dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
