I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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