Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
