It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
