Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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