I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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