Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
