**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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