i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
