I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
