he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
