dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
