He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
