That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
