She's JV to your varsity
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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