Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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