You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
