He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
