Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
