she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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