i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
