I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
