it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
