I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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