Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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