I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
