I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
