I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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