Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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