mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
