i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
