Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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