I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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