I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
