worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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