So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
