It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
FUCK WHALES
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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