Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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