Need sex. Gaining weight.
Say something about gay babies.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
