Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
