i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
