now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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