I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
