If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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