Too much gin, very little bucket
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
