Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
