apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
