Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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