Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
