Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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