So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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