when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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