butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Nicole vs. Life
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize