Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
