She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She's the barista slut.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
