I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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