maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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