I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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