Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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