The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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