so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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