just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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