I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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