Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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