Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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