I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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