he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
