i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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