My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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