I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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