so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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