The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
