Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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