you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
